Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
