"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So vagazzling was a success
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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