omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
