I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
