Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
