hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
