my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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