Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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