a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
