There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I hate all girls vehemently.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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