if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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