Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
