If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
