he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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