When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
