Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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