i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
