Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
