it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
