At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
