went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
