I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
