But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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