i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
