what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
