Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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