i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
