let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
