Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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