My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
