I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
