Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
