you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
