Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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