He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
