I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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