I can text with my tongue
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
