I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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