It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
