duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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