Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
