Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
