so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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