Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
