Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
