Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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