WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Jerry, you need to find god
We named our party play list daddy issues
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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