Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
ttyl tear gas
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
