not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
