And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
