I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
