I puked a lego.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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